tabula rasa
I've never ascribed much credence to the romantic notions of the New Year holiday. In the past, though I might have made halfhearted remarks about a "fresh start," a new year has actually always seemed to me like the simple continuation of the old. It's a new chapter in the novel that entails our lives, but it's a also furtherance of the same story. Not so now. 2007 was a turbulent year for your occasionally humble and frequently self-deprecating scribe. So, the imminent arrival of 2008 imbues me with a... different... ineffable type of feeling. It feels like it matters more this time 'round.
Tabula rasa.
2007. The year may have been tumultuous in spots, but it was not a waste. Lessons were learned and certain goals achieved. However, my focus and ambition will not allow me to rest on any proverbial laurels. Yes, I finished my duties as the editor of the "Falling From the Sky" short story anthology - a labor of love and a groovy credit on my résumé. I managed to hold on to two jobs... but I suppose that's not necessarily a grand accomplishment. I decided to finally publish my debut novel, Ache. I don't want it to be just mine any longer. I want the words I crafted from my heart to belong to other people - and to possibly mean as much to other people as it means to me.
Writing. The word flow in 2007 was desultory - I will accomplish more writing in 2008. It has already begun, actually. I plan a collection of my short stories as a follow-up to Ache, which will be released in late winter. I already have fragments of several stories which must be fleshed-out, and an abundance of ideas for several others. I must thank a coworker for the concept of one story, a post-modern tip of my risible hat to Franz Kafka, titled "Radioactive Testicle" (yes, it is a humor piece). There will be another which is entirely dialogue between two (or more) characters - no descriptive prose. With yet another I want to experiment with the "stream of consciousness" style of writing, such as that made famous (or infamous, depending on your literary viewpoint) by James Joyce. And why the delay on the aforementioned Ache? Rewrites and editing take time. It has to be done properly, or it's not worth doing at all. But that novel will come out, followed by a promotional and PR campaign and public readings. Focus. Complacency dies a swift death.
Absolution. I eschew resentment and guilt. Pernicious events in 2007 briefly dragged me into a dark, inimical place I do not care to revisit. I am not proud of my actions or reactions. Hindsight flaunts my missteps. But I never adopted a victim's mentality and I will not reside in self-righteous denial or repression. I accept my culpability and resolve feelings of guilt and acrimony and I rise above. Any lingering antipathy is released, replaced with empathy. I can merely forgive now. I am not proud of what I allowed to happen, but I am stronger and better for it. Sure, my ego was wounded, but there was no tactile reason since I won't devalue myself, nor will anyone who truly knows the benevolent soul I possess. And it's a pretty damn resilient ego. I also realize that the only person who can damage or destroy me - or unequivocally hurt me - is me. It's done. No self-flagellation. No regrets. Tabula rasa.
Employment. Ah, the office. No, not the droll television show (though there might be some accurate comparisons between their comedy fiction and my workplace reality). I couldn't let this "2007 Year in Review and Renewal" blog post pass without a mention of the workplace. I was still with the two jobs - one in the a.m. and the other in the p.m. and making enough money between the two to live comfortably. But there's been a shift in my thinking and a change in my attitude and now something new looms. Yes, it is out there on my horizon, and it is almost tangible. 2008 is the time to move forward. And, I might add, with employment far removed from the lodging and hotel industry (that would be the phlegmatic morning job).
Bridges. No burning the bridges that still matter. And though I dedicated a lot of time to myself in the latter part of 2007, I also drew my friends closer and opened up to new (and renewed) relationships. Sometimes I can delude myself into believing I am a completely autonomous, self-reliant human machine. Sure, I often enjoy solitude, isolated from the world beyond my front door, with time for my words and my books and my thoughts. When all is said and done, as the new dawn fades, I still have me. But I know that any sense I have of abolition or disengagement is false. Without friends, both old and new, I become a much lesser and weaker person. So in 2008 I plan to nurture and keep these friendships alive and dynamic.
Tomorrow I begin a full week off from the jobs. I head upstate to celebrate the holiday and spend an abundance of time playing with my nephews. When I return to the city, the new year will be upon us.
New beginnings. Strides into a new life in a new year. Focus. Super-connected.
Tabula rasa.
Tabula rasa.
2007. The year may have been tumultuous in spots, but it was not a waste. Lessons were learned and certain goals achieved. However, my focus and ambition will not allow me to rest on any proverbial laurels. Yes, I finished my duties as the editor of the "Falling From the Sky" short story anthology - a labor of love and a groovy credit on my résumé. I managed to hold on to two jobs... but I suppose that's not necessarily a grand accomplishment. I decided to finally publish my debut novel, Ache. I don't want it to be just mine any longer. I want the words I crafted from my heart to belong to other people - and to possibly mean as much to other people as it means to me.
Writing. The word flow in 2007 was desultory - I will accomplish more writing in 2008. It has already begun, actually. I plan a collection of my short stories as a follow-up to Ache, which will be released in late winter. I already have fragments of several stories which must be fleshed-out, and an abundance of ideas for several others. I must thank a coworker for the concept of one story, a post-modern tip of my risible hat to Franz Kafka, titled "Radioactive Testicle" (yes, it is a humor piece). There will be another which is entirely dialogue between two (or more) characters - no descriptive prose. With yet another I want to experiment with the "stream of consciousness" style of writing, such as that made famous (or infamous, depending on your literary viewpoint) by James Joyce. And why the delay on the aforementioned Ache? Rewrites and editing take time. It has to be done properly, or it's not worth doing at all. But that novel will come out, followed by a promotional and PR campaign and public readings. Focus. Complacency dies a swift death.
Absolution. I eschew resentment and guilt. Pernicious events in 2007 briefly dragged me into a dark, inimical place I do not care to revisit. I am not proud of my actions or reactions. Hindsight flaunts my missteps. But I never adopted a victim's mentality and I will not reside in self-righteous denial or repression. I accept my culpability and resolve feelings of guilt and acrimony and I rise above. Any lingering antipathy is released, replaced with empathy. I can merely forgive now. I am not proud of what I allowed to happen, but I am stronger and better for it. Sure, my ego was wounded, but there was no tactile reason since I won't devalue myself, nor will anyone who truly knows the benevolent soul I possess. And it's a pretty damn resilient ego. I also realize that the only person who can damage or destroy me - or unequivocally hurt me - is me. It's done. No self-flagellation. No regrets. Tabula rasa.
Employment. Ah, the office. No, not the droll television show (though there might be some accurate comparisons between their comedy fiction and my workplace reality). I couldn't let this "2007 Year in Review and Renewal" blog post pass without a mention of the workplace. I was still with the two jobs - one in the a.m. and the other in the p.m. and making enough money between the two to live comfortably. But there's been a shift in my thinking and a change in my attitude and now something new looms. Yes, it is out there on my horizon, and it is almost tangible. 2008 is the time to move forward. And, I might add, with employment far removed from the lodging and hotel industry (that would be the phlegmatic morning job).
Bridges. No burning the bridges that still matter. And though I dedicated a lot of time to myself in the latter part of 2007, I also drew my friends closer and opened up to new (and renewed) relationships. Sometimes I can delude myself into believing I am a completely autonomous, self-reliant human machine. Sure, I often enjoy solitude, isolated from the world beyond my front door, with time for my words and my books and my thoughts. When all is said and done, as the new dawn fades, I still have me. But I know that any sense I have of abolition or disengagement is false. Without friends, both old and new, I become a much lesser and weaker person. So in 2008 I plan to nurture and keep these friendships alive and dynamic.
Tomorrow I begin a full week off from the jobs. I head upstate to celebrate the holiday and spend an abundance of time playing with my nephews. When I return to the city, the new year will be upon us.
New beginnings. Strides into a new life in a new year. Focus. Super-connected.
Tabula rasa.
Labels: renewal
posted by Walls Falling at 8:03 PM
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